Pants 0. Shit 1.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
