Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
