She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
