thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
