I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize