after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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