Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
