i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
