Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
