found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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