Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
this beer tastes like vomit already
only you would photoshop your dick
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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