i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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