Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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