Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
