I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
This is the prime rib incident all over again
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
