Just fell off a train. Bad.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
