I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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