I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My liver just broke up with me...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
