dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
