I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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