On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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