This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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