You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
