it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
