Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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