Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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