What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
