Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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