i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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