When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
