I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize