Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
