I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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