if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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