My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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