I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
