Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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