The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
