do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
