remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
