Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
