I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
