I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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