at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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