Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
