Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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