omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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