If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
try to milk me bitch
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