I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
