My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
