i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
