Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
