I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
