she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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