I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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