I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
