Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
