It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
