when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I need moral support for this bender
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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