You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
organizing the empties. That sober.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
