its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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