We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm too high and old for this...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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