Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
