I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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