you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
