I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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