it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
