Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
