are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
