I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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